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Media Consumption

How To Watch TV -
Avoiding TV Commercials Entirely
by Vaughn Aubuchon

It is not easy to watch TV without suffering TV commercials.
I prefer to avoid commercials.
I am an ZERO-Commercial zealot.
If you are like me, you MUST AVOID obnoxious ads. This requires an operating remote control, within instant reach.

How many years have you been bombarded with incessant, repetitious mind-numbing TV commercials. Don't allow them to continue blasting your mind into a senseless state. Rebel. Like me. Here is my advice.

Become A ZERO-Commercial Zealot
Can't go full tilt?
Rules for
avoiding TV commercial sound

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Join Me
Become A
Zero-Commercial Zealot
AVOID ALL COMMERCIALS ENTIRELY
.

SUGGESTION #1. RUN LIKE THE DEVIL
Try this technique (mine). (You must be alone to use this technique, or you will drive others around you crazy). If you are seriously watching TV, and not also online, as I usually am, tell yourself forcefully, NO COMMERCIALS. The remote control must be in your hand.

Don't be an cowering, submissive zombie.
Do the opposite of what you are told.
ALWAYS change the channel, when told not to change the channel -
"Do not change the channel." (HLN)
"Don't go anywhere." (Vinnie Politan)
"Don't go away." (Vinnie Politan)
"Don't touch that remote."
"Don't turn the channel." (HLN)
"Hang in." (Jane Velez-Mitchell)
"Keep it here."
"More after this." (Dr. Drew)
"More on the other side." (Jane Velez-Mitchell)
"Stay right here." (Vinnie Politan)
"Stay with us." (Dr. Drew)
"We'll be right back."
"We'll have more, on the other side of the break." (HLN, black woman)
"You need to stay with us." (Dr. Drew)
"We'll show (what you have been waiting for), right after the break."


As soon as any commercial whatsoever comes on, immediately advance to the next channel in the sequence, whether it is sequential, or your own selected list. This technique is clearly for hunter-males, and not for nesting-females, per Seinfeld's Larry David.

This technique has several advantages -
1. You never have to listen to a commercial, saving 16 minutes per hour for other info
2. You never get bored - you must be attentive.
3. You broaden your horizons, and are not as ill-informed as previously.
4. You will get exposed to things you would not normally see.
5. You are far less likely to enter an hypnotic trance.
.
.
Or, if you can't hack that technique -

SUGGESTION #2. WATCH MOVIES ONLY
Just give up watching TV channels that show commercials.
Go to
Turner Classic Movies, and tune in to Robert Osborn. No commercials, except short ones for even better movies coming up soon. Drift back into time, and see how others lived 50 to 80 years ago - and how the movies reflected the times. Great stuff. The way they sucked up those cigarettes. Unbelievable!

My feelings? Old is best, the older, the better.
From 1915,
The Birth of a Nation is not to be missed
Anything from the 1920's trumps everything else. The 1923 Abel Gance silent movie "
La Roue" (The Wheel) is not to be missed.
Here is my summary of
old movie studios.
The 1930's had just awesome films (Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz).
The 1940's had good films, as well (Casablanca, Citizen Kane, It's A Wonderful Life)
From the 1950's onward, it could go either way. But ALL the old stuff is great, if not just for historical reference and comparison, and a chance to visit the past.

COMCAST MOVIE CHANNELS WHICH SHOW NO COMMERCIALS




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RULES FOR AVOIDING TV COMMERCIAL SOUND
If you must watch an entire program

RULE #1. Remote Control
You must not attempt to watch TV without The Remote Control in your left hand, most of the time, if you are right-handed. Use your right hand to do everything else.

RULE #2. Remote Control Proximity
If you can't manage RULE #1, at least make sure that the Remote Control is within inches of your hand at all times.

RULE #3. Ad Avoidance
The mute button is the greatest invention in all the history of mankind. Use it mercilessly. ALWAYS mute every commercial. You have already seen 20,000 hours of this mind-control drivel. There used to be a law about requiring the volume of the commercial to be no louder than the program. That law is OBVIOUSLY no longer enforced. Don't tolerate this for one second. ZAP them instantly. The most obnoxious ads of all are the car commercials, which ALWAYS turn up the volume 12 decibels. The Nissan Rogue commercial has the most obnoxious sound of all.

The worst "zap immediately" obnoxious commercials are -
1. Every car commercial, every car insurance commercial
2. The guy who screams in your face throughout the entire commercial
3. The self-chest-caressing narcissistic guru of exercise videos - gag me
I DON'T EVER WANT TO LISTEN TO ANY OF THESE COMMERCIALS ONE MORE TIME!!!
How about you?

RULE #4. Personality Avoidance (This rule is political and psychological.)
Beginning of tirade.


Some television personalities I simply cannot stand.
My personal "zap immediately" personalities -
1. Nancy - The screaming justice harpy, who treats her guests like garbage
2. Suze - The browbeating, condescending know-it-all of financial advice
3. Judy - The ever-perfect, insult-hurling, chip-on-the-shoulder judge from He||
4. Bill O'Reilly - better yet, avoid FOX News entirely.
5. Sean Hannity - better yet, avoid FOX News entirely.
FOX News, by far, has the
biggest collection of idiots on television. These purveyors of conservative propaganda are always complaining about the "liberal media", which doesn't exist. They are a collection of disingenuous, highly-paid, corporate lackeys, whose job is to propagandize you, not inform you.
6. John Bunnell - the MOST obnoxious narrator on the planet - Snarl, snarl, snarl.
7. Lara Flynn Boyle - the WORST narrator on the planet - She has perfected the ever-descending monotone. Blah - blah - blah, over and over, exactly the same - HORRIBLE! And yet, they continue to use her - how can this be?
End of tirade.

RULE #5. Remote Control Proximity
Be attentive and poised to hit the (Un) Mute Button as soon as the 6 or 8 commercials are over. This ensures that you will not miss any of the program.

RULE #6. Mix Your Media
Mix your media. Reality shows and singing competition aren't everything.
Don't be a hypnotized zombie. Broaden your knowledge.

Watch some PBS. Melting ice caps. Asteroids from space. The next huge California quake. The bad mortgages collapse. Your lying President ("
Bush's War"). Congressional sellout to the lobbyists. Find out how you are being sold down the river, at every turn. Corporate votes have replaced people votes, because of lobbyist money. Ralph Nader is right on. Do something about it. Or, at least be aware of it.



DISCLAIMER:
The opinions expressed above are solely those of the author.
The author may have seen one-too-many commercials.
Your views may differ.

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This Vaughns How To Watch TV page
was last updated on 2013-11-20.